the past two days have been a lot for me i met a lot of QPOC and trans folk and i’m very… happy about it? like idk i have a lot of existential crises about my future will i survive? will i ever be able to surround myself w the people i desire? will i ever have a chosen family that actually supports me? actually calls me out on toxic behavior i continue to act on? people that will help me grow and won’t abandon me? and i’ve met so many people that have that, and it makes me happy. i feel hopeful. i’ve been distant, but it’s what i need right now. i just want to be receptive. i want others to emotionally rely on me before i feel okay-enough to trust others.
and on the other hand – i’ve been angry since last night. i don’t want the people i have around me right now to continue making excuses for harmful actions/beliefs they hold or that their friends hold. i don’t want my friends to be complacent, because that makes me complacent. i want people that want to grow just as much as i want to, and it feels like i’m asking for a lot when it’s actually the minimum.
Someone’s in the shower n I really need to poop n cant sleep bc i super hurt my partner n honestly there is nothing I can do to fix anything n I’m so panicky n upset n I feel like everyone I try to talk to about this doesn’t care idk what to do i cant make this right
